Chapter 3 of 67 min
Difficult conversations
Difficult conversations go better when you separate facts from interpretations, describe impact without blame and work towards a shared next step.
Key ideas
- Start from observable facts, not judgements.
- Describe impact using 'I' and 'we' language.
- Aim for a next step both sides accept.
Step by step
- 1
Write the facts as a camera would record them.
- 2
State the impact on the work, the team or you.
- 3
Invite their view and listen fully.
- 4
Agree one specific change and a time to review it.
Example
'You are always late' becomes 'You arrived after the start of three of the last four meetings, and we had to repeat the briefing. What is getting in the way?'
Your drill
Prepare a difficult conversation you have been avoiding using the four steps, written in under 100 words.
Common mistakes
- Opening with a judgement of character.
- Ending without an agreed next step.
Check yourself
Why start from observable facts?
Show the answer
Facts are hard to dispute and reduce defensiveness, while judgements invite argument.
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